Adam and Jeff talk about Coalie, the coal industry’s stupid new mascot, an AI hallucination that sent tourists to a make believe hot spring in Australia, the first 911 call in American history, and so much more!
REFERENCE LINKS
Trump Administration Introduces Coalie, the Cartoon Mascot For Coal Energy (View in transcript)
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/feb/03/trump-administration-coalie-mascot-fossil-fuels
Hallucinating AI Sends Tourists Thousands of Miles to Non-existent Attraction (View in transcript)
Joe Rogan Refused Meeting With Epstein (View in transcript)
https://variety.com/2026/tv/news/joe-rogan-jeffrey-epstein-files-refused-meeting-1236660864
HGTV’s Rehab Addict Host Nicole Curtis Racism Scandal (View in transcript)
This Day In History: The First 911 Call Placed In US (1968) (View in transcript)
Everyday Superheroes: Boy Swims Four Hours In Rough Seas to Save Mom and Siblings (View in transcript)
Episode Transcript
Adam: [00:00:00] Oh, hey everybody. Welcome to the Monday show.
Jeff: Hi everybody. Welcome to the,
Adam: Jeff, you sound like you’re in a closet.
Jeff: I’m in a closet or technically on my phone ’cause I don’t have access to my computer. My computer’s been acting the bitch, so I had to take it in and they’re taking a minute with it,
Not a good sign. By the way,
Adam: do you think you should have offloaded at least a few gigs of all the porn you have on your computer to adult porn, by the way? I don’t wanna make any weird implications, but the amount of adult porn, your computer’s heavier because of it, which is weird.
Jeff: Adam, I have a Chromebook for that.
Adam: Oh, that makes sense.
That’s about all a Chromebook is good for,
Jeff: yeah, somebody gave me a used Chromebook and I’m like, I could use this for one very specific thing. Any viruses on this? This is great.
Clicking links all day on this thing.
Adam: hey Jeff. How’s it going? We haven’t done a Monday show in a couple weeks
Jeff: it’s been a while. I’ve been neglected, [00:01:00] deeply, deeply neglected. Jeff May, not been the best, but, you know, things have been going the way they’re, and you know, I’m just trying to get through it. The computer thing’s been a real problem. Get it, Brett. Oh, oh. You know, the
Adam: Oh, speaking of computers, I just used mine to start playing guitar
Jeff: because that’s
Adam: a, I mean, I’m, my guitars plugged into the computer.
Jeff: a room full guests, I’m kind to chop your toes off. What pair up to All I really want to talk
Adam: your work is gonna be a lot easier than you might
Jeff: for the past seven days.
Adam: I only the nine, I’m like, I’m
Jeff: week in
Adam: kind like the def
Jeff: it’s about to
Adam: of the podcast game in that, uh, I only got nine appendages, as does.
Jeff: fade it out. I’m wondering, I wonder, ’cause I, we did all that stuff with the noise cancellation. I’m wondering how that song is gonna transfer from my mic to you.
Adam: Oh yeah, probably terrible. It’s gonna be absolute
Jeff: Sorry for the [00:02:00] experience, everybody. It’s just I am, I’m hemorrhaging everything right now. Mostly blood.
Adam: Well, yeah, Jeff has been stabbed, so we have to get this done quick because he’s gotta get to, let’s be honest, in, in urgent
Jeff: my family. Let’s be honest, hell.
Adam: So yeah, a lot going on. Jeff’s computer is acting up. My foot’s better. My foot has essentially healed, which I do like that the massive hole in my foot has closed.
Jeff: Adam, we watched the superb Owl Show
Adam: He watched some sports ball. Very fun.
Jeff: Yeah, we watched the Superbowl. I watched my team get their dicks pushed in the dirt for
Adam: the
Patriots got so bad. Yeah.
Jeff: Well, you know what’s funny is like you look at it and it’s like, yeah. And then you look at the score and you’re like, that is not even the worst Patriot score in a Super Bowl. So.
Adam: Yeah. And the Patriots, [00:03:00] I mentioned this when we were watching the defense was fine at first. They just were on the field so much, I think they just got worn the fuck out. And they also made an understandable miscalculation in that they were like, we’re gonna let Sam Donald throw it and he’s gonna make a mistake at some point.
Because Sam Donald led the league in turnovers this season, but he also committed no turnovers in the postseason.
Jeff: nailed it, man. Good for the good for Seattle. They deserve it. They don’t have anything else, so this is good for them.
Adam: yeah.
Jeff: It’s the last sports team that hasn’t fled the rainy, fucking miserable up its own assness of Seattle. Okay, congratulations. Go thunder.
Adam: they still got the Mariners.
Yeah. I mean, and the, isn’t that where the Kraken play the
Jeff: You have a Kraken play there, that’s fine. But also that’s a new team.
Adam: Yeah. Bring back
Jeff: Kraken.
Adam: Come [00:04:00] on.
Jeff: Yeah. Bring that Sean Tech Kemp with a high top face.
Adam: So I should mention before we get started, if you’re listening to this for free, thank you. We love you all the same, but also we got a new Patreon subscription level where you can get just our free public episodes, but without ads for only $3 a month and Yeah. Right, right. That’s cheap.
That’s good.
Jeff: that’s a, that’s like a really good deal.
Adam: That’s a good deal. You get, there’s no ads. You don’t get bonus episodes going forward, but I did sprinkle some past bonus episodes in that feed.
Jeff: Oh, what a little treat for all you free loading scum.
Adam: A little treat, you get all the mini bonus episodes of the Monday show we’ve done, including one today that is all about ice.
so.com/on pops, $3 a month add free. And we got more Patreon tier coming soon.
Jeff: And make sure you use code UN pops so you can get [00:05:00] access to the $3 tier.
Adam: Yeah. Use code on pops at checkout. There’s a cash register. It should just look outside. There’ll be one. It’s like a voting booth everywhere.
Jeff: or Adam will be outside of your house when you sign up.
Adam: Yeah. If you’re listening to this, me and Jeff are coming
Jeff: Yeah, we’re coming for you.
Adam: Yeah, that’s what I meant. Yeah.
Jeff: this is a tribute podcast.
Adam: Yeah. Yeah. This is porn now. So should we get into some stories?
Jeff: Yes. Yeah, because I don’t know how long this fucking mic is gonna laugh.
Adam: All right. Here we go.
Intro Music: Thanks Trump.
Adam: Oh, thanks. Trump,
Jeff: Thanks.
Coalie: The Coal Industry’s Cartoon Mascot
Adam: Jeff, never let it be said that the Trump administration doesn’t have their priorities in order.
Jeff: no, they don’t. They’re bad. They’re bad people.
Adam: Are you sure? Because while people like me and you are bellyaching about, you know, US citizens getting executed on the streets, or, you know, disappeared to detention camps at the [00:06:00] border, you know, petty, trivial shit like that. The Trump administration still has their eyes on the prize. They’re laser focused on the shit we should really be concerned about like introducing a new cartoon mascot to promote the coal industry.
Jeff: That’s the most seventies sentence I’ve ever heard in my life.
Adam: Finally motherfuckers, we got a cartoon mascot for coal.
Jeff: That’s me.
Adam: The distortion from you not being on your regular mic just makes that so much better.
Sounds like Coalie is on an iron lung.
Jeff: That. I don’t know if there was distortion. ’cause that was literally what I was going for.
Adam: No, I mean it was a mix of both. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And yeah. Coalie, he’s an animated lump of coal with a helmet, boots, gloves, adorable. Big googly eyes. Presumably a raging case of mesothelioma.
Jeff: It’s the uni [00:07:00] ironic version of a John Oliver mascot, you know, and they always will throw some fucking weirdo mascot out there, like the smoking lung or whatever. Even the name is screaming satire.
Adam: what Coalie also is just more evidence of how very little right wingers understand comedy. And I say that because Coalie apparently started life in 2018, and back then Coalie was literally a lump of coal that someone put fake googly eyes on. Jeff, that’s funny.
Jeff: That’s pretty good.
Adam: Hey, this is our mascot, and you just pull out a fucking actual lump of coal that you have a fixed googly eyes to, I’m gonna find that kind of funny.
But when you’re like, no, what we should, what We should hear me out guys, what we should do, we should ask Grok, right? We should ask Grok to make it like a cartoon, you
Jeff: So what we’re [00:08:00]
it’s gonna be
totally, it’s gonna be awesome sauce and it’s gonna be all that. A
Adam: oh my God. Yeah.
Jeff: won’t they invite me to the island? Why? Why won’t they invite me? Why won’t they invite me? The island man if fucking, I’m sorry. Side note, if Jeffrey Epstein is like, I can’t deal with this motherfucker, you have to be annoying.
Adam: oh yeah. Yeah, because Jeffrey Epstein, on top of everything else, seemed like he was pretty fucking annoying himself. It’s that thing where sometimes people are too alike and you get him in the same room and they’re like, oh, I hate that. And it’s like, is that what you hate? you think you hate them?
Or do you hate yourself?
Jeff: it’s like one of those things where you know, you look at like people on the same level, but one’s just what it’s like Harold Baines and Cal Ripkin Jr. Being in the Hall of Fame, and you’re like, well, you’re not the same, but you guys are in the same club.[00:09:00]
Adam: Yeah. So Coalie, he was shared online by Doug Bergham, Trump’s interior secretary, who added that Coalie would be a spokesperson for Trump’s quote, American Energy Dominance Agenda will specifically be an ambassador for the Office of Surface Mining Reclamation and Enforcement, which sounds terrifying, honestly.
Jeff: I would like to add that it seems like this administration’s big thing is just trying to like the secret, everything. They’re like, this is gonna be energy dominance. They’re like, okay, but how, like we said, energy dominance. It really does feel like they’re just trying to actualize this stuff instead of actually doing anything to make it happen.
Adam: They’re all branding, but also don’t understand branding.
Jeff: No it’s like they’re trying to appeal to that. You know, the yoga mom, to Maha to MAGA pipeline, that’s pretty standard these days, and they’re like, all right, well those morons love the secret and they [00:10:00] believe that that’s real, so let’s just do that.
Adam: Yeah. And I don’t know, I get the sense that someone, somewhere along the food chain when it comes to this administration just assumed, well, the propaganda part is gonna be so much easier now because of social media. no, the propaganda part’s harder because of social media. Yeah, you can spread your message, but until you like lock that down China style, everyone else can comment on the message you’re spreading.
The Nazis didn’t have to fuck with that.
Jeff: Yeah. For every dumb piece of shit thing my aunt shares, there’s always gonna be a me commenting. This is the dumbest fucking thing I have ever read.
Adam: That’s gonna make the message way harder to get off the ground than it would’ve been in Nazi Germany. And I honestly don’t think these idiots thought about that. I think they just thought, oh, let’s buy TikTok. Then it’s game over.
Jeff: And also the message is, don’t push me close. Um, [00:11:00] close two, the edge. I’m trying not to lose my head. Uh huh. Huh huh.
Adam: Exactly.
Jeff: That is also the message
Adam: That is the message
Jeff: we give equal time on this network.
Adam: oh, should we talk about this next beautiful story?
Jeff: Mm. Beautify me, baby.
Adam: Here we go.
Hallucinating AI Sends Tourists to Non-Existent Australian Hot Springs
Adam: Oh, Nay I,
Jeff: Oh, no, thanks.
Adam: You a convert yet, Jeff,
Jeff: Oh boy. boy, am I not, I’m gonna get killed by a robot.
Adam: yeah. Yeah. I.
Jeff: I used to joke, I used to do that joke about it like way before this happened.
Adam: Yeah. Yeah. AI’s getting so hard to escape. I feel like Google Drive is trying to trick me into clicking on AI shit sometimes. Like I’ll hover over a folder for too [00:12:00] long and you get this popup that’s like, want us to summarize this folder? I made the fucking folder. I know what’s in it. Stop it.
Jesus.
Jeff: the thing, like whenever I see like an a IS like, like description of a video on Instagram, I immediately block the account. This is just a reminder to all of you as well that are listening. If you do that, like chat, GPT photo thing, your fucking idiot. What is wrong with you? What
are you
Adam: even know what is that.
Jeff: did this thing where it was like, ask GPT to make a drawing of you at your job using everything, you know, see how that turns out,
Adam: Who would do that?
Jeff: you know, why don’t we just fucking jingle our keys in front of you? How about that? Or if I had a robot, if I had AI jingle some keys in front of you, would that be enough?
You fucking, absolute fucking, oh God. Just put a ring camera in your house too. Just put a ring in your fucking house.
Adam: yeah. I don’t understand that. I don’t [00:13:00] understand cameras in the house like I get it. Oh, what if someone breaks in your house? Well, either you’re gonna be home and you can deal with it, or you’re gonna be somewhere where you just watch it happen on camera, but you can’t really do shit.
Jeff: I got a little bit of information about the police and when they’re confronted with evidence of a robbery, they don’t fucking care and they won’t do anything. Cops will never help you get stolen goods or property back, never, unless it’s a car that they accidentally find. You are 100% never going to get your stuff back, and the cops don’t fucking care.
Adam: I’ve never understood wanting cameras inside your house, like security outside your home. That’s been a thing for a million years, but I don’t know, like I see these videos where it’s just someone’s sitting at their desk working from home and there’s a camera right there, and they’re like talking to their partner who’s at [00:14:00] work.
you need a camera right there. What’s gonna happen that you can’t just talk on the phone?
Jeff: Can’t talk on the phone
anyway. What’s going on with a I Days, Adam? Nothing.
Adam: So, yeah, not much except an Australian tour in company had to apologize recently after posting AI generated blog posts on their website. The story could end there, but it gets worse. But also, don’t even do that part, that part right there. Don’t, don’t do it.
Jeff: I’m gonna summarize this whole thing, Adam. I know you’re gonna tell the whole story, but good. Fuck you.
Adam: Yeah. Like you don’t need to rent that high in Google searches. You know? Don’t, God, there are people that will write shit for free, man.
Jeff: Man, I’m telling you like there’s that too. But also like our brains are cooked. society’s brains as a collective are fucking cooked. I know they’re in their twenties by now, but like the iPad kid generation, they’re fucking, I’m so nervous for [00:15:00] them in a way that I’m not like of an old generation that’s like things were better.
I mean, I’m genuinely nervous because I know what this shit did to their fucking cerebral cortex.
Adam: Yeah. We know all about the dangers of social media and that’s kind of the first generation that just was born into it. And parents were like, I want ’em quiet at the Olive Garden.
Jeff: You know? And that, really, I want ’em quiet in the car ride. I want ’em quiet in the olive garden. I want ’em quiet Where? And it’s just like, yeah, but boredom is how you get creativity.
Adam: Yeah.
so there’s more beyond this company. Just putting AI blog posts on their website.
Jeff: All
Adam: One of the posts was a ranking of the best natural hot springs found in Australia at number four was the Weldborough Hot Springs, which was listed as a secluded forest retreat. Its reputation as a tranquil haven has [00:16:00] made it a favorite among local hiking groups, wellness retreat organizers, and anyone wanting to experience one of the more untouched hot springs Tasmania has to offer.
That is a quote from the blog post in Jeff. That sounds delightful.
Jeff: It makes me want to come to Tasmania. You go to Tasmania. Out Tasmania, you might be a little old for that show, right?
Adam: Yes. I don’t think I
Jeff: It was Tasmania. It was like a sitcom featuring the Tasmanian devil in his family. And that’s where you find out that the Tasmanian Devil is the, a special needs member of his family.
They all speak English except for him.
Adam: oh, that’s weird. That’s very
Jeff: He just, he does his like blathering and then all the other ones are like, we don’t know why he talks like this. It was crazy. It’s fucking crazy.
Adam: Yeah that’s a weird thing to find out. I just found out from watching a documentary about clowns I grew up in Illinois, [00:17:00] was obsessed with Bozo the clown. He was on WGN, that’s in Chicago.
So
I, until yesterday was like Bozo had fucking global reach. That guy. That was crazy. No, there were 180 bozos around the world.
I don’t like
that.
Jeff: funny, A guy I used to work with went on the Bozo Show when he was a kid.
Our local bozo show, obviously, I believe it was on WGBH, maybe W-L-D-I-W ldi, I channel 56. He won a, loaf of bread and every single time, ’cause we love doing it. We just mentioned bozo to him and he would just turn back and he goes, who gives a kid bread? It’s like this, just this incredulous like whisper of who gives the kid bread?
Adam: That is a weird prize.
Jeff: I knew a guy who went on the Bozo show as a kid. Isn’t that cool?
Adam: That is cool. Yeah. I wish I had gone, I could have gone. I never went.
Jeff: I think Bozo was dead by the time I was of age to do that.
I think I was watching [00:18:00] reruns
Adam: Maybe.
Jeff: I’m looking, at those pants and those haircuts on those kids and I was like, these are not contemporary children.
Adam: Yeah, it’s possible. So this hot springs sounds delightful. Only problem, not a real thing doesn’t exist at all. This is a quote from Christie Probert, owner of the local Weldborough Hotel talking to CNN. It was only a couple of calls to start with, but then people began turning up in droves. I was receiving probably five phone calls a day, and at least two to three people arriving at the hotel looking for them, them being these hot springs that did not exist.
Even funnier. The town is situated along a river, but the water is so cold you can’t enter it without a wetsuit. So there’s even a chance someone might die from this.
Jeff: This is the first example of AI learning about comedy,
Adam: Yeah,
Jeff: actual comedy.
Adam: People reached out to the owner of this [00:19:00] website and his explanation was that, well, we just don’t have the bandwidth to write blog posts for our website, but we need blog posts for our website for search rank and things of the like. He said that normally the articles AI cranks out are fine, but, and this is a quote, sometimes it gets it completely wrong.
I’ve seen it create animals I’ve never seen before. Three-legged wombat crocodile looking things and quote that is Scott Hennessy. So what happened is
Jeff: by name, Hennessy by reputation
Adam: he and the wife went on vacation and
probably, yeah. And they just set AI to publish blog posts on their website while they were gone and just crossed their fingers that they would get the normal blog posts in not the three-legged wom.
Jeff: Yeah. Not a Rocco bat. Yeah.
Adam: and instead they got the three-legged wombat, which don’t [00:20:00] do it. Don’t do it
Jeff: What if you did your job in a way that made it so you were actually doing your job? Have you ever thought about that?
Adam: and also I have to run, you know, a podcast feed. We have a website now. These are things that you can still check if you’re on vacation, like you should still conceivably be able to go. All right, I need 10 minutes because ai, one of the most fucking unhinged technologies in all of mankind’s history is about to post something under my name, under my company’s name.
I should take a couple minutes to go check this
Jeff: You know what’s crazy, Adam, is when I go on vacation, I do a lot of extra work before the vacation. So while I’m on vacation, I don’t have to worry about what’s happening while I’m gone.
What the, I’m saying, why can’t these assholes do that?
Adam: Yeah, you could also just have AI crank out some extra blog posts and schedule him. See, I feel like he’s actually not as diligent as he’s [00:21:00] making it out to be.
Jeff: I agree with you a hundred percent. I think we should find him and make him pay.
Adam: I mean, if you can afford to get us to Australia and ensure my entry back into the country.
Jeff: So I thought about this, Adam, we go to that blog website. They might have some kind of deal link
Adam: Oh, sure. Yeah. We could just ask AI how to make enough money
Jeff: I bet he is got like a price line link, you know, use code, ai, dip shit you know, on your order to get 15% off your flight.
Adam: Probably, so, yeah, don’t, use AI for shit like this. I mean, just don’t, and don’t ask it to summarize your emails. Just let it find your cancers and your landmines and things like that. My God.
Jeff: Yep. That’s what we should be doing it with. How are you gonna improve Earth , when instead you could write a blog that’s gonna make morons.
Adam: That’s true. That’s a good point. All right, speaking of moron’s next segment.
Intro Music: Y’all got any enemies? I [00:22:00] sure do. A whole bunch of them, in fact. And do you know what I absolutely love? I love it when my enemies fight. And that’s what this segment is about. It’s called Enemy. Of my enemy. Let’s go fade it out.
Joe Rogan Turned Down A Meeting With Jeffrey Epstein
Adam: Oh, enemy of my Enemy. , I wanted to talk about this because this is a story that proves that sometimes you just have to clear the lowest of bars to be sort of on the right side of history. And I should clarify, I’m using right side of history very relatively here.
I mean it in regards to one thing in general, for the most part, history will not view Joe Rogan as having been on the right side of things.
Jeff: Unless hi, history has a [00:23:00] tapout shirt on
Adam: Yeah. Or if History is like who was the best host of Fear Factor? I haven’t watched the Johnny Knoxville version yet, so verdict is still out for me, but I bet it’s Joe Rogan. I don’t know Johnny Knoxville’s a solid host though, but hey to Joe Rogan’s credit, at least he turned down a chance to meet with Jeffrey Epstein.
Jeff: congratulations, Joe Rogan. You’re betting one for a thousand.
Adam: yeah, again, it is such an incredibly low bar to have to clear, don’t meet with a known pedophile. And so many people did not clear that bar. Whether you went to Epstein Island or just had dinner with the dude to hear him out. There’s a point in history where either way that’s, fucked up.
Jeff: Yeah I guess there’s a part of me that has to accept and understand that there are going to be people that are in those files that didn’t actually do anything wrong. you have to assume that through all that whole [00:24:00] process, if a billionaire’s like, you wanna come hang out at my island, if I didn’t know what was going on in the island, I’d be like, prob, probably.
That sounds, you got like a zip line or something.
I mean, I think Danny DeVito’s character had a bit like that on Always Sunny where he is. Like, I went for the snorkeling. I didn’t do any of the, it was only 5% of the kids stuff, the other 95%, none of that
Adam: and there are, I mean, Joe Rogan is in the Epstein files because of this, because he refused a meeting with Epstein. Nick DiPaulo, who is a comedian and a huge piece of shit.
Jeff: huge piece of shit.
Adam: I think he’s an example of someone who is in the Epstein files, not for kids, but still deserves to lose some shit over it because Nick DiPaulo one, he had dinner with Epstein.
We know this because he sent an email to Epstein and it says [00:25:00] I have to consider your proposal. As you know, you’re a very controversial guy. What’s that tell you? That tells you Nick DiPaulo knew who he was having dinner with and was still like, but what if it makes me enough money that it’s worth it?
Jeff: Nick is a Trumper and he knows
Adam: Then went to his fans and said, if any of you cost me money , by saying something for me, having met with Epstein, I’ll sue you. Like he went to his own fans and was like, don’t get mad about this, or I’ll fucking see you in court. Fuck that motherfucker. I don’t care if he only had dinner with him, you still had the dinner.
And again, back to Joe Rogan, such a low bar. Such a low bar all you gotta do is react the way Rogan reacted, which was, what the fuck are you talking about? Why would I have dinner with Jeffrey
Epstein?
that’s so easy.
Jeff: Where was the dinner? Some.
Adam: Yeah. See that’s the thing. If you read this article, that’s kind of his [00:26:00] point.
He’s like, there’s some people who just wanna be in the orbit of rich people, and it doesn’t matter what they did to get rich. It’s just, oh, this guy’s super rich, I’m gonna go kiss his ass. Because that’s how society works. So again, low bar, but fucking, at least Joe Rogan cleared one bar, you know?
Jeff: Good job, Joe Rogan. You are the enemy of my enemy.
And
when I say that, I mean my enemy is good taste. And so he,
Adam: and what’s crazy is Joe Rogan, when he was talking about one, he was talking to Cheryl Hines, which I don’t know, is RFK in the fucking Epstein files? I wouldn’t be surprised, but I don’t know. RFK
Jeff: he, yeah. Well, yes. He must be because he said you know, I, I, I, I, I know, you know, at dinner with Woody Allen, I’ve had, there’s that interview where he names off all the fucking monsters that he knows. And it’s like, that doesn’t make you look better. You fucking bear eating freak.
Adam: Yeah. When Joe Rogan was telling this story to, and we’ll [00:27:00] link to an article that has all of these quotes. He was talking about how it was a guest who he had on the show that tried to introduce him to Epstein. And so you’re immediately thinking like, oh, so was it like Elon Musk, something like that?
Theoretical physicist, Lawrence Kraus. There is an email in the Epstein files from 2017, which is right around the time , this guy appeared on Joe Rogan, where Epstein is like, Hey, I heard you on Rogan. Can you introduce me? And the guy’s like, sure. And then there’s another email later where he’s like, I didn’t hear back.
Jeff: I would also like to add that it would be funny if it was Elon Musk, but only ’cause Elon Musk desperately wanted to go to the island and he was like, Joe Rogan’s my only in.
Adam: yeah,
Jeff: Could you, like, could you, could you maybe contact him so maybe we could go together because totally smoke weed. It would be totally epic.
Adam: That fucking guy, Elon Musk. Ugh. Surprised. There’s nothing about him to talk. I mean, there’s sure, I’m
Jeff: How, [00:28:00] how can you be the richest man in the world and be such a fucking loser at the same time? Like, how can you win at money and still be the biggest loser in the world? It’s
Adam: and all he would have to do is just be sort of normal and he would
Jeff: just I hate to be that guy, but you could shut up and dribble like when you, when you’re just an obnoxious loser, maybe shut up and Dr. Like you don’t have to, but like you probably should,
Adam: You can, it’s always an option.
Jeff: yeah, it’s a shutting up and dribbling is always on the table.
But again, I get it like, you don’t have to we’re, but we’re saying for your best interest,
Adam: just
Jeff: although I don’t want anything for his best interest, shut the, you know, fucking.
Adam: Yeah. Fuck that motherfucker. All right. Next segment.
Intro Music: Sometimes good people die and it makes us sad, but then other times, bad people die, and that makes us want to dance. That’s why we call [00:29:00] this segment Grave Dance, where we celebrate the long overdue demise of some of the world’s worst damn people. Ooh, made that out, Brett.
HGTV Rehab Addict Host Nicole Curtis Racism Scandal
Adam: Oh, grave. Dancing with a Twist,
Jeff: Ooh. I love that. Just a little twist. Just a little
Adam: Oh, twist.
We’re not talking about the demise of a person so much as the demise of a long running television show at the hands of a single person. Aw, she’s single.
Jeff: Maybe it’s cause she’s a racist.
Adam: Yeah. Here’s the thing. Racism scandals are nothing new. Not even in reality tv. There’s been a whole bunch.
Jeff: Yeah. One of them ended up being president so they can go anyway.
Adam: Yeah. They can go any number of ways. This one is bizarre. The details of this are so weird. The show in question is [00:30:00] HGTVs Rehab Addict, a home renovation show that was about to start Its ninth season.
Jeff: The name they picked.
Adam: Yeah. I.
Jeff: For their HGTV Fixer upper show is Rehab Addict.
Adam: Yeah, and I’ve never watched it. I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s like her backstory. You never know.
Jeff: That’s a TLC show, not an HGTV show.
Adam: Yeah. That’s the, that’s for the learning channel. So this show has been on for 15 years. It was about to start its ninth season,
Jeff: I feel like you can get a lot more seasons out of fucking 15 years of reality. TV
Adam: I mean, they do gotta do the renovations and shit and
Jeff: survivor gets like nine seasons a.
Adam: yeah, but they’re not doing anything. They’re just pointing cameras at people suffering. But unfortunately for the show, and everyone else who works on it, the show’s host, [00:31:00] Nicole Curtis was caught on camera using a racial slur. And by that I mean the racial slur, the one don’t make Jeff say it. You know the one we’re talking about.
Jeff: Go ahead, make my day.
Adam: The craziest part though, and what makes this so weird, she wasn’t caught saying it like, I’m reciting rap lyrics and I just forgot to skip that word. Or she wasn’t on a tirade at Starbucks, which you could see that coming.
Jeff: theory Super Bowl, DraftKings. You put it all together.
Maybe somebody didn’t do what she wanted in the Super Bowl
and
Adam: well,
Jeff: riding on the game.
Adam: it could be, but also there’s, this happened on camera. We saw what happened
Jeff: She was, uh, live streaming. She was actually doing Fortnite. She was playing Fortnite when it happened.
Adam: well, it’s so fucking weird. Did you watch the video?
Jeff: Yeah, she just kind of like
Adam: Well, she, she she uses it [00:32:00] like a person just uses a curse word. Imagine you’re installing a light fixture and you drop the screwdriver for the third time and you as a normal person might say shit. Or you might say, fuck, or you might say, goddammit.
She in that situation, just said the N word, but also proceeded it with the word fart and did this on camera while filming a reality TV show. Does she have Tourettes? And I’m not saying that as a joke. That
feels like a Tourette’s thing.
Jeff: This kind of feels like one of those scenarios where a weird, almost insane slip of the tongue is going to ruin your life.
You know, where it’s like one of those things where it’s like I don’t know if this person actually is one of those people that has hate in their heart and is actively racist, or if it’s just a word that showed up.
You want to give people benefit of the doubt, because [00:33:00] giving them the opposite of benefit of the doubt is, well, let’s just destroy everything that you’ve ever done.
But man, that’s a tough recovery.
Adam: It’s such a weird video because she catches herself right away and there are some awkward laughs in the room and she stops filming and is like can we cut that out? And someone off camera is like, uh, not really. We got like 35 minutes of footage she’s like, can we burn that film forever?
Jeff: do feel like you could have cut it out.
Adam: well, even if you couldn’t cut it out, you certainly didn’t have to upload it to the internet two years later, which is what happened.
Jeff: Someone got fired and they wanted to act out.
Adam: So, yeah, her career’s probably over
Jeff: no. She’s gonna have to do a right wing fucking rehab show now.
Like
where she’s gonna be like we’re refurbishing this high school gymnasium into a prison for brown people.
Adam: Yeah. [00:34:00] Yeah. She’ll take that fucking Brett Ratner turn trying to be the fucking Lenny Riefestahl of this goddamn regime.
Jeff: Of HGTV. Yeah.
Adam: Yeah. So yeah, we’ll link to the video. It’s weird. It’s really weird. And she even says, fuck my life. yeah, yeah.
Jeff: Yep. Yeah, you just went, Kramer, you went full Kramer.
Adam: And also, I gotta wonder, if it just comes out like that, you’re probably saying it a bunch, right?
I
Jeff: mean,
here’s the thing. I got stung by a B and I instinctively called it the F word. This was a while ago,
and like I don’t know where that came from, and I’m not happy about it. I don’t like it. I don’t use that word to describe people.
That yellow jacket. That yellow jacket that stung me directly on my nose, by the way.
Yeah, I called him that. I’m sorry. Wish I hadn’t. Luckily it was in the woods not on your HGTV
Adam: show. [00:35:00]
Jeff: yeah. Not while I was filming my fucking rehab addicts episode, which is a, again, what a fucking insane thing. I dunno. Here’s the thing, I’ve said terrible things without thinking words that I do not believe or back up, which is why I’m like I don’t jump to too many conclusions on this, but it’s not a good look.
Adam: Yeah. Yeah. I don’t
Jeff: But also, I grew up in the eighties and nineties and I was given a lot of words to play with that I’m no longer, I should never have used. But you know, I can’t undo what society threw at me. I’m just doing my best to undo.
Adam: The eighties. Were crazy, baby. All right, next segment.
Intro Music: Fact, the day that’s happening right now, it’s happened before last year and the year before that, and the one before that even. And we have a word for things that happened before today. We call that history and we’re about to talk [00:36:00] about some right now. Welcome to this day in history.
The First 911 Call In US History (1968)
Adam: Oh, this day in history. Jeff, you
Jeff: I love history. no,
Adam: I actually found this pretty interesting. I didn’t know a lot of this about the 9 1 1 system. I’ve always known. It’s a joke.
Jeff: it’s called nine 11.
Adam: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which do you think we got the 9 1 1 wings taken off the Hooters menu because I didn’t realize it, but that did happen.
And back when unpopular opinion was like really at its peak, we let the world know about the nine 11 wing challenge, which if people are unfamiliar back when Hooters had 9 1 1 as a wing sauce flavor, you could do a fun thing where you go in and order those as the nine 11 wings and if the waitress starts calling them the nine 11 wings, by the end of the order you win.
That’s
Jeff: And honestly, that worked.
And you get, and we’d get two [00:37:00] onion ring towers and you try to see who could take
Adam: Yeah. Toss the flats, Adam. Yeah. Yeah. The first nine one one call was placed in the United States on this day in history in 1968. I.
Jeff: Oh, 1968. Mm. Sounds like someone was trying to get civil rights.
Adam: Yeah. Yeah, right. What I didn’t realize, I guess I assumed one, that 9 1 1 was way older than that. It’s not. England has had the 9 9 9 system since 1936.
Jeff: Yeah, you could fucking dial 9, 9, 9 by accident. Real good.
Adam: Yeah. So no rush. United
States.
Jeff: it’s rotary shit though, man. You should have made it 1, 1, 1 if it’s a real emergency. Jesus Christ. You ever tried dialing a nine on a rotary phone?
Mm-hmm.
Adam: I wonder, if it’s because that was an especially unused number by that point, just because phone numbers would have to be
Jeff: Yeah, man, my, my [00:38:00] grandparents had a rotary phone up until the end,
Adam: Yeah. My grandmother had rotary phones like deep
Jeff: I was like, yeah. I was like, I mean, you know, ours nineties, like I was like, you guys can get like new phones. Phones aren’t like expensive.
Adam: my grandmother was dead by the nineties. Let’s not be ableist please
Jeff: did you kill your grandmother? Why did you kill your,
nevermind. I was gonna do a callback joke to the previous segment and realize that that would be the absolute worst thing I could have possibly done
Adam: Aw, we missed out
Jeff: un cancelable because I’m not famous enough to be canceled.
Adam: The thing I didn’t know about 9 1 1 is that it didn’t get adopted, wide scale right away. Even by 1987, only 50% of the country was using the 9 1 1 system, which is bonkers. So you were just calling the local sheriff at that point. What?
What’d you do?
Jeff: well, I think most people knew it was a joke in your town.
Adam: [00:39:00] Yeah, I said that. I said, everyone’s always known
joke.
Jeff: Actually, it wasn’t you that said that. So nice try
Adam: Oh, who was it? Oh, come on. Say it. Everybody. Flavor Flav. I don’t think enough people know that it’s Flavor Flav. It’s not flava. It’s flavor. So yeah, the first nine one one call 9 1 1 was suggested by at and t, not the government.
They picked it because it was easy to remember. And it wasn’t assigned as an area code
Jeff: So you’re saying that you could never forget 9
Adam: Exactly, exactly. That’s probably why they picked September 11th to carry out the horrendous Acts of September 11th Also. Because again, you would never forget at and t, I mean they did nine 11. The first call was placed by representative Rankin Fite speaker of the Alabama House of Representatives.
But what other job can you hold with a name? Like Rankin Fite?
Jeff: Yeah, that, that is a, video game [00:40:00] boxing
Adam: Yeah. I assume he was upset that a bunch of black kids were like sitting in the booth too close to him or something, and
Jeff: Yeah. Yeah. Somebody got a tuna melt at Woolworths five and dime and he was furious about it.
Adam: Yeah. Canada also used 9 1 1 as their emergency number, and now 98% of the US and Canada use the system.
Jeff: That other 2% fucking incorporated ass towns.
Adam: yeah. What are they doing? Imagine getting to one of those towns you call 9 1 1. All of a sudden you’re talking to like the local radio station.
Jeff: Yeah. It’s like that New Hampshire town that was like the libertarian haven and it just fell apart immediately and had all the bear attacks and stuff. Still my fa it’s my favorite. One of my favorite stories in all of American history is about that.
Adam: Yeah. All right. Last story, except for our bonus stuff we got coming
Intro Music: You know, most of us are just regular ass people doing regular ass things. All the regular ass [00:41:00] time, but not everyone. There are those among us who, unbeknownst to most of the world around them, possess the kinds of powers you only ever see. In movies or comic books, this segment is about those people. We call it everyday superheroes, fade.
Teen Swims Four Hours To Save Mom and Siblings Stranded At Sea
Adam: everyday superheroes. Jeff, the Applebee family, no relation.
They were on vacation, sorry, holiday in Qual Australia, south of Perth. You know
Jeff: Oh, Rodney P,
Yeah,
Rodney Pi,
Adam: just south of Perth.
Yeah,
Jeff: Winnipeg of Australia.
Adam: Yeah, exactly. They were on holiday when strong winds pushed their inflatable paddleboards and kayak offshore like way, way offshore.
That’s why I don’t fuck around in the ocean, but to each their own. Joanne Applebee in desperation. Asked her 13-year-old son.[00:42:00]
Jeff: It’d be really funny if it was Joanne from the Joanne Fabrics Company, though.
Adam: Yeah, she asked her 13-year-old son Austin to kayak back to shore to help two and a half mile trek, but it became way more perilous when shortly after departing the kayaks started taking on water, forcing him to swim most of the way back to land, which that’s a long way to swim in rough waters, I assume.
I don’t think I’ve ever swam two and a half miles
Jeff: He’s a 13-year-old
energy. He’s all hopped up on that. That white monster.
Adam: but he’s probably not working out much
Jeff: Yeah.
Also
white monster is what I call cocaine.
Adam: Oh, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. That makes sense. After about two hours of swimming, he removed his life jacket so he could swim more efficiently. Which don’t do that. Kids. That’s major. This is a quote.
I was very puffed out, but I couldn’t feel how tired I was. At one point I was thinking of Thomas the tank engine, trying to get the happiest [00:43:00] things in my head, trying to make it through, not the bad things that would distract me. I hit the bottom of the beach and I just collapsed. And then after that, I had to sprint two kilometers to get to the phone end quote.
Never fucking ends for kids in Australia. God damn.
Jeff: That’s just surviving in Australia Bootcamp. He’s like, and then I had to fight off a couple of kangaroos coming at me real hard. Yeah. And then I ended up seeing a couple of snakes rooting around
Adam: He says he passed out from exhaustion after making the call for help, but fortunately, local marine rescue volunteers were able to find the rest of the family who were not dead. They were clinging to a paddleboard more than nine miles offshore. Nope.
Jeff: damn, that is a drift. Nine miles offshore. Also, it would’ve been really funny if, just like a pack of dingoes was circling them, but swimming like they were dog paddling around. Damn. Australia is hard as fuck.
Adam: Yeah, that’s why I don’t fuck with the ocean, man. I can’t do it. I can’t do it. I don’t like, even on a boat, I don’t [00:44:00] really wanna be on the ocean, although I still want to go on a cruise sometime.
Jeff: It’s like being on a Walmart at sea.
Adam: yeah, I feel like I’ve gotten diarrhea everywhere else, just not at sea, and so I feel like a cruise would probably take care of that for
Jeff: Really cover a lot of that. Yeah that’s like technically at sea.
Adam: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m in international waters, which is where I yeah. But also you’re on like a floating sovereign nation of, you know, carnival cruise lines, Emirates,
Yeah, it’s fine. I’m into it.
Hey, we did it. That’s our episode. Jeff, this is Jeff’s flu game recording on his phone.
Jeff: Yeah, baby, look at me. Watch me. I’m gonna throw my phone for a three pointer.
Adam: Oh, swish nothing but net or was that a bad shot? I couldn’t, I couldn’t tell what sound effect you were doing.
Jeff: I banked it I, the net into a different net.
Adam: oh, that makes sense. So, hey, that’s our episode. Jeff, thank you for doing the pod except for Jeff.
Jeff: Oh,
Adam: What [00:45:00] do we have to plug before we get outta here? I already plugged the new subscription level up top.
So that’s all I got. Jeff, what do you wanna plug?
Jeff: well I’ve got some great stuff going on. Pire and.com/ Jeff May.
Adam: Oh no,
Jeff: all the stuff I do, you know, I got, Jeff has cool friends. I’ve got nerd with Dre Alvarez. I’ve got the monthly flow with Dre Gazeta. I will have a computer back soon, I swear. I promise. I swear. I’m gonna steal it when you do.
Don’t I need it? on top of that, I do all, Tom and Jeff watch Batman with un gainfully unemployed.
And Jeff has cool cards. We’re doing minute rips of Alan and Ginter right now. I also just posted a video that Adam and I did together.
Adam: Gross. I don’t
remember that. Where
Jeff: I
also do, live breaks every Wednesday and Friday. So we got a lot going on and it’s YouTube dot com slash Jeff has cool cards.
That’s probably what it’s called anyway mint on cards. The second Friday of every month. That blessed one the passed some beautiful magnolia in Burbank, California, [00:46:00] I think that’s everything.
Adam: Hey guys, every day. That
sounds about right.
Jeff: fucking tired,
Adam: Fire man. I gotta get some rest.
Jeff: exhausted.
Adam: Fucking Friday. All
right,
Jeff: alright.
Adam: get outta here. Hey, Jeff, say goodbye.
Jeff: You get my roommate’s cat losing her shit. Rookie card everybody.
Adam: Oh, kitty, kitty, Katie. Goodbye everybody. We love you.